The good, the bad & the ugly…..
Some random thoughts….
I spent some quality time with my brother Richard when he came to chemo with me & now I feel closer to him than I have in way too many years
I’ve had a lot of time to think about things and it’s made me realise I spent too much time stressing about the stupid stuff that in the grand scheme of things just doesn’t matter
I’ve caught up with some friends I haven’t seen in a long time & who I probably wouldn’t have caught up with were it not for my diagnosis and also connected more online with some friends from my past which makes me happy
My BFF Wendy is over here from LA and I’m loving just hanging out with her
I’ve had some lovely gifts and cards from around the world & Steve Carlson made me smile & cry all at the same time
I have a brand new, very shiny Harley in my parents garage just waiting for me to be well enough to ride her
The chemo kicked my ass more than I expected & I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that my mind is strong but right now my body is weak so I need to rest more
I’ve really found out who my friends are…. Sadly it’s time for me to let some people go from my life that I thought would always be there. I know some people find this situation difficult to deal with but my disappointment in a couple of people in particular is immeasurable
Food doesn’t give me any enjoyment right now – I eat because I have to & not because I’m hungry or really fancy something in particular to eat. I forget to eat because I have no appetite & food tastes bland & it’s not a good thing because I need to maintain my weight through the chemo to fight the side effects
When you see the oncologist & chemo nurse they go through the list of possible side effects of your particular chemo regime – I didn’t realise it’d be a competition for my body to try and check off every bloody one of them….
In the early hours of Monday morning I woke up to hair on my pillow and a considerable amount of hair in my bed from other places on my body that I won’t go into. All I’ll say is that it’ll save me a fortune in waxing appointments for a while …. But the loss of hair on my head was pretty devastating as I thought the cold cap hadn’t worked. It was that ‘shit just got real’ moment. Fortunately there hasn’t been much shedding the last two days & there’s no obvious patches, just thinning in places so I’m hoping that it’s just a slight blip on the radar. I have a wig ready to be picked up & a fine collection of hats ready just in case
Countdown to the next chemo is on – 4 more days and it’s back to the hospital for brain freeze and pumping some poison into my veins….. Roll on July when I’m done with it
So today I not only say Fuck Cancer but also Fuck Chemo too….